Beard Fell Out

Yesterday, from just rubbing my chin, I was finding that my beard was falling out.  It really didn't take much before I had a fist full of hair.

So I decided to shave my beard and moustache completely, as I figured it would be all over my pillow this morning if I didn't. 

I don't seem to have any other effects from the chemo other than generalized weakness.

Resting heart rate is still hovering about 110 bpm.  Next Chemo infussion is on the 4th, and there will be a blood test for that.

We had visited St. Maria Goretti Saturday, and I have some pictures to post, but that will be done later.

I also had a visited with my urologist Monday - he wants to set up an ultrasound on my kidneys as the right one had been inflamed when he did the surgery last month, and we should monitor them considering the chemo therapy and the work load they are now under.

I'm still running a bit light headed after climbing just one flight of stairs though.

Strength Seems to be Returning!

I'm not sure why, but at about 20:00 last night I was feeling pretty good - very stable on my feet, and was able to stand up pretty easily.

Even today I feel quite a bit better, and I notice I'm walking a little faster.

Yesterday I had talked with Dr. Bobo, my radiologist, and my chief complaint was my mouth is coated with "thrush".  I mean totally white coated in the stuff. I brush pretty frequently and use Listerine, but it doesn't seem to help much.

Dr. Bobo "authorized" a prescription, but I left his office at 15:00, and later I tried to find this prescription at about 16:50, and it hadn't been signed.  I was more than just a little disappointed.

After calling his office, the prescription was sent to the correct CVS, but it was still going to take another 20 minutes to fill.  I was too impatient, and wanted to get home.  I'll get the stuff tonight.

One of the reasons I was complaining about the thrush though is that it is often difficult to taste food properly with 95% of your mouth covered in fungus.  I had bought some wine the day before, and could not enjoy it at all due to the remaining tastes.

However, when I got home I still had a glass poured from the previous night, and rather than let it got to waste, I worked on it while having some lasagna brought by Jessica Freeman on the 19th.  So it was maybe close to 6 ounces of red wine. 

Now I looked it up, but it seems nobody has considered this to be a good remedy from thrush, but it did seem to clear me out better than anything for some time.  I also had a shot and a half of Captain Morgan's Private Reserve that Mike had left during his stay.  It's basically rum with a good heavy dose of vanilla. (The rum tasted a lot better to me, than the cabernet sauvignon)

So who knows, maybe I should make rum more of my regular food stuffs.

Normally I skip lunch at work so I can get home an hour earlier, but I wondered if this was prudent.
So I had a lunch at Tsuki which is close to work.   However, I had a good hot and sour soup, but could not finish half of the beef and broccoli.  It's odd sometimes, I feel hungry, but often it feels like too much work to eat.   So I boxed it.

I've got to find more convenient foods for me to eat during the day.

255.6 lbs

Faith Healers Again

Yesterday I stopped in at a Publix to pick up a few canned goods, and I made use of the electric cart.  So of course as I can't find the strength to lift some of that cans to the conveyor belt, the topic of cancer comes up.

I nice Protestant lady insisted on 'praying over me' as she helped me load my car.

It's the same old thing, people are always looking for that extraordinary evidence of God, and want to think their prayers will somehow provide a miracle cure.

It occurs to me that as  traditional Catholic who affirms extra ecclesium nulla salus, that I missed an opportunity here.

The next time I get a sentimental Protestant who needs to pray over me, I should return the favor, but this is what I intend to say next time:

In John chapter six, Our blessed Lord told his disciples that unless they eat the flesh of the Son of Man and Drink his blood, they would have no life in them.  Many of Jesus's disciples could not stomach this saying, and did no understand it.  They left him. However, the apostles remained, and Jesus asked if they would also leave him. To which they responded, "Lord to whom shall we go? Your words are full of everlasting life." 

These apostles who remained, were later at the Last Supper, and did eat this bread, and they became the true church established by Christ on the rock of Peter.

I pray for my friend here N.N., that he may one day come to know the only true faith that can provide this Bread of Life our Lord requires us to eat, and that my friend may be saved by this true faith and accept the Bread of Life.

Who knows if that will ever take on someone, but I do firmly believe that all Non-Catholic 'Christian' faiths are deceptions of the Devil, and will only lead to ruin in the end, because they are not the Church that Jesus established and made Peter the head.

Yes the Roman Catholic Church has many distinctive qualities that non-Catholics can argue against ad nauseam.  But if we focus on just the one thing, the Blessed Sacrament, and all the biblical evidence to support that the Catholics got it right - I think there would be more conversions.

Many times I've had very long winded debates with well meaning Protestants, but I've come to the conclusion that if we can't get them to the conclusion to agree on the Blessed Sacrament and transubstantiation as we teach it, all is lost anyway.

So much is tied to it, for example, if we profess there's only one place that has the pedigree to consecrate the Blessed Sacrament , well that certainly speaks to apostolic succession and who truly possesses it.

And then of course it also leads to the Sacrament of Reconciliation - because you shouldn't be receiving the Blessed Sacrament unless you are properly prepared.

Then there's the favored Protestant phrase, "Have you let Jesus into your heart?"  To which a Catholic can say, "not only my heart, but my mouth, my stomach and my whole body."

If you do desire to make Catholics out of Protestants, then you should just focus on the Blessed Sacrament, if they assent to that, EVERYTHING else will fall into place. And if they can't assent to it, nothing else will matter anyway.

Atrophy

As bad as I was feeling this past weekend, I spent a good portion of it in bed, and did not go to Mass.

I'm just feeling so weak, that all I want to do is stay warm in bed, but I am also dealing with some neuropathy in my hands as well.  If I lay on my left side, the two smaller fingers in my left hand become so numb that I don't feel they are alive at all.

The same is true if I lay on my right shoulder which cuts off circulation to them right hand.   So my whole night is made of a semi sleep where I have to turn quite  bit to keep the blood flowing in my hands.

I am now thinking that as much as I don't want to move out of bed on a weekend, I really need to force myself to do it - because I do need just a little exercise just to keep going.  Just taking a long shower or a nice hot bath, and stretching my legs a bit seems to help some.

With as much discomfort I have at this moment, though I sometimes wonder how much longer I'm going to have the strength just to move.

Laura and the kids have been great with helping to put on my shoes and socks, and brining bowls of soup,  to my designated couch.  If I can, I try to eat at the table with the family, but there are times when it's difficult to have the stability to sit at the kitchen chair.

I have on my calendar that I have a MRI appointment for Wednesday, though I just got called and Dr. Bobo wants to see me tomorrow.

This was originally scheduled as a follow up to my initial radiation treatments.  The deal there, is that with the treatments, it will still take some 4-6 weeks to see the tumor cell die, so they wanted to wait to get a sense of if this treatment has been effective.  So we'll hear more about that later.

It was very nice to have Sarah visit this past week - though I was down for much of it.

256.6 lbs.

Two days off Work

I had my Taxotere infusion Wednesday - and I'm not feeling any adverse effect such as nausea.
The next injection is due Nov 4th, so I guess if I'm going to see any hair loss or changes to finger / toe nails that may take some days.

My hemoglobin count came in at 8.2 (which btw being a calibration petty officer, I have to look it up and find this unit is supposed to be expressed as decagrams per deciliter  (dag / dL), i.e. 8.2 = 82 grams of hemoglobin per deciliter of blood)

It is considered low if it's under 13.5 dag/dL, and concerning when it gets close to 8 dag/dL.  So I was ordered to return yesterday to get 2 units of blood.  Which I did.  One way the that low hemoglobin (Hgb) count will show up is that my resting heart rate will be about 110 beats per minute.

They did not test my blood after the two units were added, but my resting  heart rate fell to 86.

However, I am still feeling as short of breath today as I was yesterday morning.  Sarah points out that since there are tumors seen on the head of my femurs, which are major blood producing bones, that I may have a chronic problem with low Hgb.

I do take a daily multivitamin, but there is no Iron supplementation in it, and I might want to add some, though I am getting regular food with high iron content .  Surprisingly, though it's not on the Mayo Clinic's list, rice is also a high source noted on other lists.  (I didn't like those other lists as they are very high in advertising content.)

I am at work today for a full day.

Weight 256.8 today

Fatigue

It's just a bit much sometimes.

I seem to be able to make it into work and do a reasonable amount of work, but once I'm home, all I want is a meal and to get into bed the rest of the night.

We do break for a family rosary each night, but I need to make time to do stuff like pay the bills and sort my paperwork. 

I haven't turned on my home computer for an entire week - I haven't wanted to get into any of my normal internet pass times.

We did watch the Redskins / Falcon's game along with Patriots and Cowboys, but somewhere in the second half, I decided I couldn't finish the Patriot's game, and turned in.

It was also interesting because was got to see the final plays of all 3 over time games this weekend.  I was hoping to see the Redskins win their game, but it was nice to see the Bengals and Browns win theirs.

Friday I managed to complete my first work task and turned it in for code review.  I was pretty pleased with myself seeing how the application was totally unfamiliar and written in C# which is not a language I know very well.

I spent about 5 days just studying the source code, and then about 2 days to actually code my solution.  This was helpful, because I found some good objects already in the solution I was able to modify and re-use.

Anyway, Sarah is due to arrive in Charlotte today - but unfortunately, since it's Monday and we're all working or attending school, she'll have to wait at the airport an additional hour after arrival. 

My Taxotere infusion is set up for Wednesday morning, and Sarah should be there for that.  I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel after the infusion though - will I return to work for the rest of the day ?

I guess I'll know more Wednesday.  My concern at this point is to save as much Paid Time Off as possible for Christmas.

oh and 258.8 lbs. on the scale this morning.

So it is Serious

I was just going over the stack of paper I had been handed during my initial stay at the hospital.

Originally, I was under the impression that the cancer had grown a tumor on my T-11 and my L-5 of my spine.  However, I read the results of the initial CT scan, this is in many places on the spine.  They were just most urgently concerned about the aforementioned joints which required the immediate application of radiation treatments.

It's noted in pelvis and femurs, left kidney, bladder, and of course the prostate.

Lungs and heart were given a clean bill of health, though the cancer is seen on multiple ribs.

Also there is a note on my right mandible, and I had been getting some pain there lately.  I was considering seeing a dentist for an impression of my TMJ.

The biopsy report concluded with "High Grade Prostatic Adenocarcinoma with Neuroendocrine Differentiation."   Dr. Burgess, tells me it's the Neuroendocrine Differentiation that's the really bad part.

And so with all said, Dr. Burgess is recommending a treatment with taxotere, and I've just called his clinic today and let them know I'm ready to receive that treatment.

My Adult Conversion to Catholicsm

While it is true that I had been baptized into the Roman Catholic Church as an infant, we never really had a strong upbringing in the faith while at home.

My father still to this day is largely agnostic, and in the 60's he was very hostile to the Catholic Church as a whole.  For myself, and my sisters, he didn't make much of a fuss about the baptisms, and I think for my mother it was more for the party that followed rather than any sacramental reality that motivated her.

My maternal grandparents would occasionally take us to Mass, and so the image of the crucifix and the Easter story was not entirely foreign to me.  But I can't say that I had much of a commitment to the idea that Jesus was divine.

I had mentioned that even while in college, the writings of Gichin Funakoshi probably had more influence over me than say, the Gospel according to St. Matthew. 

Part of this problem also comes from public education.  Consider, that in a series of high school world literature, we studied Greek Mythology, Roman Mythology, and then The Bible as Literature.  What's a rational mind to think but "past mythologies, followed by present day mythologies" ?

My conversion came about in the Fall of 1986, while I was training in "A" School to be an Electronics Technician for the Navy.  At that time, I had made the Navy a huge part of my life, it was bigger than I was,  and I had a strong desire to serve it well.

Our class went on a weekend outing together, and on the drive up to the mountain, the class leader Petty Officer Strickland, opened a box of cassette tapes for me to choose something to play.  Well, it was all gospel music, almost none of which I had ever heard of before.

I firmly believe that for any piece of music to be enjoyed, there must be something thing in it that is at least a little familiar.  As it turned out, one tape in that box was familiar.  It was the soundtrack to Godspell.  My mother has taken me to a performance in Boston, when that play had made all the rage and was played everywhere.  I still remember riding the green line and getting candied apples on the way to the show.

And I must say, I was transported during that performance.  Something about it did stick with me. So here I was in 1986, listening once again to the soundtrack, and I realized that there was something really really missing in my life.

The next day, I stepped into the chaplain's office, and got a copy of the New Testament and actually started to read it.  The first thing I did also was notice the number of times that passages were quoted within Lincoln's many speeches, and I took a yellow high lighter and marked that New Testament up.

This did take a few weeks to make a full conversion.  I later completed "C" school in Memphis, TN, and was then assigned to NAS Lemoore.  I met with the base chaplain, but late found my way to St. Brigit's in Hannaford, CA. Where I was placed into the Rite of Catholic Initiation for Adults (RCIA) and sponsored by my good friend Joe Coakley and his wife , Kathy.

The Coakleys were about ten years older than I was and already had established a large family of eight children. They lean a bit more to the charismatic side of the faith than I do, but their influence is felt in my family of eight.  For example, the fact that we have picture of all out children's first days of life, is largely copied from what the Coakleys had done.

On of the topics to tackle in RCIA was this stance that the Church had against contraception.  And to be honest, I didn't struggle with it at all - it made perfect sense the first time I considered it.   Consider - if we begin with the assumption that God is omnipotent, then he certainly has the power to cause any contraceptive method to fail.  A couple using illicit methods is simply expressing their desire not to have God's will interfere with their lives.  And yet God could still bless them with a child.  So if God could potentially grant a child under such circumstance, what does the couple achieve ?  Nothing really other than a rebellion against God's will.  And that is wherein the evil lies!

So after a few weeks of preparation, and getting al the paperwork complete, I went home to Massachusetts on leave, and received my First Holy Communion on Christmas Eve of 1987 in St. Mary's of Chelmsford, MA.

I point this out only to say that I made an adult choice to be Catholic. It wasn't something that I grew up with and had never questioned.

Checked into ER Last Night

I was feeling general weakness a bit more than usual, and a lots of numbness in both hands and feet with some of it reaching up to my knees.  Also I did have  a low grade fever of 100.1.

An MRI was performed at 23:30, and it assured us that there were no new concerns, but the oncologist on call had insisted we go to the ER just be sure.

I had been discharged at 04:05.  
I did have a full day at work yesterday, but was feeling the chills just as I was driving home.

Weight is now 262.2