I got admitted to the hospitsl because the pain was uncontrolled. The ER had me for a while, but kicked me upstairs. Due to bed availability, they dropped me on the third floor which is largely intended for cardiac care. Ironically, my heart is the one thing that gives me no trouble.
Being cardio care nurses, they hooked me up to monitors that I didn't need and things that seemed normal to them. It wasn't the right care fit for me. So, they gave me as much pain medication that seemed right to the nurses on that floor, and I would still hit Pain Level 10 and be in tears for hour or more at a stretch. Eventually, the bed availability shifted as did the hospital's needs, and the hospital wanted its cardio bed back. I was then moved to the fifth floor, and things changed a great deal.
First, though I didn't need it, I was placed in an 'isolation' room which is a regular sized room with a sort of "outer office" for family rest, and an extra sink and a place to put masks on etc. It's sort of like an airlock with the world, or more like a germ lock which it actually is.
I also get a direct view of down town with the original Wachovia "handle bar" building (now owned by Wells Fargo) that gives the Charlotte skyline her particular distinctiveness. This room itself brings me to tears of gratitude because I simply can not believe God loves me this much to give me so many fine things.
What's truly significant is that I have a nurse who worked with the doctor to authorize a much higher pain protocol. I'm now on 2mg of dilauded every four hours. while this is nice, my fear is that I won't get home from here.
This protocol can not be administered at home, because a narcotic of this strength can and will be abused.
It's Sunday, and I'll wait to consult with my regular doctors once the working week gets going. Also I'll be checking in with my priest as I'm not comfortable with a total avoidance of pain as the primary goal. That just don't feel entirely Catholic, especially if there is still good work to be done, and this includes offering up pain for the good of others.
Maybe God is saying "Come to me all who are weary and I will give you rest." Maybe He will let you know when your rest is up. Meantime enjoy this time with gratitude. I love you, Mom
ReplyDeleteaye aye, and thanks
ReplyDeleteWell I can say I have felt incredibly strong today, stonger than I've been in a month. I sat up without assistance, and without realizing I had done it. Then I stood in the walker pretty much the same. And I've got to my feet three times without assistance. I think that's all I'll do today, but I hope there's a pain protocol I can use at home with the same results and I get home.
So after tslk with Fr. Reid on this point, it would be no sin to get enough medication to stop the pain entirely. If I wish to keep my access to pain so that I may offer it, it would be beneficial. The choice is simply mine. I'm feeling a great deal now, and there is a limit to how much I csn "enjoy".
ReplyDeletetbh, though, it's not easy to shut off once you have lost control of it.
glad it,s not a sin to avoid pain :)
ReplyDelete